I have dug myself in so deep I am gonna have trouble gettin out.
Since my last post I have needed to write, but everything that I think is negative. I am holed up in my apartment and can't get up enough energy to go outside. I know what I am doing because I have been here many times. I have to really get sick of myself, of talking trash about myself and others. I am not avoiding anyone because there is no one to avoid.
I am watching a lot of old movies on tv and I try to read but can't get interested in anything. I began painting an old bookcase but didn't have the right paint so i just quit. I painted a tray and then began looking for patterns in wallpaper books to cut out and decoupage onto the tray. I have no imagination,so that's on hold also. The weather actually looks nice. Sunny, with a little snow on the ground. I usually love to walk but.......
As I have said in my past posts, I left my home in So. Ca. to follow my youngest daughter , her husband and my two granddaughters to the east coast. After trying to co-habit with them I just called it quits, packed up and came up north to find another home. My sister and her husband live close and are very nice people. Their lives are filled with caring for 2 old horses, 3 dogs and 2 cats. They don't converse much and are very content. I enjoy being with them and we go grocery shopping together, but something is missing.
For one thing, I cannot afford the apartment I am in. I signed a one year lease and know I am locked in and I will take money out of my savings to handle the expense. What I am not doin is going out to make new friends. I am still hurting that I wasn't welcome in my daughters basement, which was a complete seperate apartment. I just can't seem to get over it, try as I may.
I know I will be fine and i will plan some day trips to places I haven't seen. Right now, I am lonely and need to lick my wounds.
Thanks for listening. E
8 comments:
Oh Earlene, I have been where you are. We recently moved an hour South of where I spent my entire life. I know, it's only an hour, but we went from Suburbia, to literally the middle of nowhere. I takes me 20 minutes to get to a Supermarket instead of 3-4 minutes. Everything else is atleast 40 minutes. My husband was jumping from job to job, so money was hard to come by. I got so depressed be away from my family and friends that I cut myself off from all, except my parents. I stopped calling friends, knowing they wouldn't want to travel far, and neither did I really. My Husband finally found a good job, but was gone long hours, so the oldest person I was able to speak to in a day was 8. It takes time. For me it took my finding out that my best friend had read my cut off completely wrong, and was devistated by my brush off. I just boarded myself in my hole or took it out on my kids by yelling all the time. You've got to come out of this....Find the library, or a local coffee shop or bar, that might have music one night. Come spring, I know alot of places in NY have farmers markets. I know our situations are different, but in a way, they're the same. Hang in there. This will pass..... :)
Thanks so much for your comment. You are a great person to take time out of your busy life to comfort me, a stranger. I did take a walk yesterday and today i packed Emily up and we drove to the store for a 6 pack. She hates riding in the car. I am working on the decoupage tray and drinking a brewsky and listening to Dr. Phil. Talk to you later. E
See, that's a great way to start!! Emily will just have to learn to like riding in the car :)
Hi Earlene!
Wow, you really touched me with your post. Thank you!
Been there & done that with the kids. It hurts and unfortunately, I too, have bee licking my wounds for 5 years.
This year is different though. I owe it to myself to move forward. I gave them the best I could.
It's my time now! ;0) I'm working on my hurt. Letting go of the masked anger.
I just wanted to let you know that yes, even strangers care. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. You help others by doing that.
Hope things are going better. I've added you as a friend and I will be back to touch base.
Jean
Jean, Thanks. I do feel better just because I finally wrote down what I was feeling and people like you do care. I will be happy to hear from you and am interested in your blogs. Earlene
And Spring is here! It's here, right? The longer days will make a difference...you'll see.
i care. i hope you're good hon.
hey there, i care. it seems there are a lot who do. life can be demotivating, frustrating and hard. but sometimes the simplest little walk can show us all a new sigt, a new point of view of the world. things can start changing, like a pile of dominoes falling. maybe you could even give them a nudge when you get going!
x x x
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