Okay, here's the deal. I busted my ass gettin here and now I have to make many decisions. Let's face it, I am not a good decision maker. I just am not. I jump right in without thinking and then when it doesn't work out I get my feelings hurt and run away to lick my wounds. It has always been black or white for me. No gray. That has got to change.
I am glad I had a 10 month vacation. I saw new places and spent time with family that I hadn't seen in years. I learned some lessons about relationships. I learned that I am not as tough as I thought I was. Those people I spent time with told me what a jerk I was years ago. I know I was angry but not the asshole they described. No matter.
Now I have to find a new home for Emily and me. She is afraid of my daughter's cat, Precious, and just stays in our bedroom. I know what kind of home I want. One I cannot afford. I will have to get a job to help with the rent. I am not ready for a senior home unless it was a really nice one with lots of cute old farts and activities.
I am trying to be patient. Resting up before looking for a place to live. Then I can find a bank, a job and a bar where I can walk and not drive my car as gas is over $4 in this place called Paradise. I probably can't afford a beer. And I sure can't count on someone buying one for an old lady like me. Damn, it's hell gettin old. But as they say, "what's the alternative?"
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4 comments:
Oh you are the best! I love your attitude. Look for the grey, pick your battles, cuddle Emily ( she's so lucky to have you or is it the other way around?) anyway. I wish I'd had the chance to have a beer with you.
Sal Gal: Thanks for the visit. Hoo nose, maybe we will meet someday. I am a world traveler ya know. Funny thing, since I arrived back home I have not ventured out to see the old "home town". My daughter thinks that is strange. What do you think?
Dear, I think you have been there done that. And I don't find that strange. Paradise, huh? I live an hour from where I was raised, raised my kids and my oldest even bought my house of 25 years but I rarely go there. I like that distance. They all know where I live...and they come to visit when they can so it suits me.
Some distance is good...maybe you need that ..is there country there nearby for you to settle in?
Sally Good to hear from you. I think I will be ok when I am in my own place and have a little job. I never have held on to people. I am always out there meeting new ones.. I think a lot of it is my age and I don't want or need as much as I did. So it is all okay
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