IS THIS WHAT THEY CALL CABIN FEVER???

Wow!! After the beautiful snow all I have to see is this.

I loved the snow. So clean. So fluffy. I enjoyed walking in it, feeling it fall on my upturned face. Do I have to wait another year to enjoy the snow?

I have heard this place is beautiful in the spring. Flowers blooming under blue skies. Soft breezes. I am having trouble envisioning those promises. I think I have CABIN FEVER!!! I spend hours in front of the tv. I love to read, but am too restless to sit still more than a few pages. I am eating often. I did take Emily out yesterday and she seemed to enjoy the dead grass and trees. Sniffing around where other animals had been the night before.

When I left San Diego I left all of my crafting materials. If you are a crafter you know how long it takes, not to mention $$, to gather all the things needed to create. I miss them. I know it is only stuff. I can get more stuff. The problem is the energy and the motivation to do so. I have half heartdedly tried to create using household items, cutouts and white glue. They looked like a third grader's art. I promise myself I will do better. Next time.

Actually, I am rethinking NY for retirement. It is too expensive for a lady on SS. I am concerned over the fact that my exsisting medical insurance is not available here. Maybe rural VA, closer to my daughter (again). Let's face it. I am not getting any younger.

Enuff of this pity party. Get Over It!!! There's always tomorrow. And Prozac!

Spring Break in New York

My first visit to the Big Apple! Better late than never!

While on a business trip to VA my youngest granddaughter decided to accompany me to Standstillville, New York for spring break. I was very worried about entertaining her for a week. She is 14 and in involved in gymnastics which takes 20 per week and the rest is pretty much used up by homework. She is a straight A 8th grader. She has lots of friends from the gym which is not near home and friends from school. She loves crafts and so do I so we can always find something to fill our down times.

We made a tote back for her school books, cooked, walked along the creek and visited my sisters horses, dogs and cats.

My daughter and my 17 yr old granddaughter drove up to pick up the visiting daughter and we all took the train to the City for a one day visit. We walked from Penn Station to the Battery, WTC and Pier 17!!! My feet were killing me, but I did not complain. Because time was getting short we took the subway to Central Park and strolled around. Then on to Times Square which was amazing! We ended the day with dinner at a Kosher Deli. Fun. Back to Penn Station to catch the 9:45 train to the Mid Hudson Valley. A totally wonderful day after a wonderful week with my youngest granddaughter, Kelsey. They left early the next morning for Easter dinner in Va with their father who shared his wife and daughters for the Easter holiday.

WE HATE PURSES!!!

My sister and I have one thing in common, apart from having the same mother, WE HATE PURSES!!! But we keep trying to find the right one. The one that is better than the last one we bought. The one that is better than all the others we have in the closet. We don't get rid of the ones in the closet because we are not sure that the purse we have recently purchased will satisfy all our needs. Soooooo a few days ago we were shopping in our favorite store: THE THRIFT STORE. We don't have a favorite thrift store. Any thrift store will do. We don't necessarily plan these trips. While her very nice husband is driving we may spot a thrift store and say STOP!!! In we go with the promise that "we will be right out". HA! Once inside our favorite store we head straight for the purses. First let me tell you what we think is the favorite purse. It is small. It has a strap that goes across your shoulders, for safety and your hands are free. The perfect purse has to hold all the necessary items. Folding $$ and a separate pocket for coins. Credit cards, keys (they can hang on the outside), lip stuff, a pen and note pad for remembering what we want to purchase. Oh! and my most needed item is a place to put my cell phone so I can grab it on the first ring. So , there we were in our favorite store when my sister spotted a great purse and directed my attention to the THE PERFECT PURSE. We looked in all the pockets and turned it this way and that way and tried it on our shoulders and then I said , " I need this more than you". I paid $1.00 and we left the store. I began emptying my imperfect purse and arranging the new one. I was very satisfied with my purchase. A few days later while planning another trip to VA she was going through her collection of purses and found one that might meet her needs on the trip. She began filling it with the necessary items. We were happy once again. We both had purses we thought to be perfect. Later that day as I prepared to leave I picked up what I thought to be my new perfect purse and she looked at it and said "that is my purse". We looked closer and discovered that they were identical! We laughed. But we almost peed our pants when I said," What would be really funny is if you had bought what is now my purse, you would've had two of the same purses. So...... We now have the PERFECT PURSE. We just have to make sure that the purse hanging on our shoulders is really Our purse and not the sister's!!! (ya know like "but officer I thought it was my purse". I guess you hadda be there.

A Brighter Day

These are the things that make me realize how lucky I am. These and the friends that answered my CALL.

I have many more of these days than the dark ones. The ones in which I let myself hang onto sadness. The ones when I feel helpless. The days when the black clouds in my mind cover the sunshine.

I am thankful for days like this when the strength in me takes over and lets me again know who I really am.

Peaceful and Planning, E

Is There Anyone Out There Who Cares ???

I have dug myself in so deep I am gonna have trouble gettin out.

Since my last post I have needed to write, but everything that I think is negative. I am holed up in my apartment and can't get up enough energy to go outside. I know what I am doing because I have been here many times. I have to really get sick of myself, of talking trash about myself and others. I am not avoiding anyone because there is no one to avoid.

I am watching a lot of old movies on tv and I try to read but can't get interested in anything. I began painting an old bookcase but didn't have the right paint so i just quit. I painted a tray and then began looking for patterns in wallpaper books to cut out and decoupage onto the tray. I have no imagination,so that's on hold also. The weather actually looks nice. Sunny, with a little snow on the ground. I usually love to walk but.......

As I have said in my past posts, I left my home in So. Ca. to follow my youngest daughter , her husband and my two granddaughters to the east coast. After trying to co-habit with them I just called it quits, packed up and came up north to find another home. My sister and her husband live close and are very nice people. Their lives are filled with caring for 2 old horses, 3 dogs and 2 cats. They don't converse much and are very content. I enjoy being with them and we go grocery shopping together, but something is missing.

For one thing, I cannot afford the apartment I am in. I signed a one year lease and know I am locked in and I will take money out of my savings to handle the expense. What I am not doin is going out to make new friends. I am still hurting that I wasn't welcome in my daughters basement, which was a complete seperate apartment. I just can't seem to get over it, try as I may.

I know I will be fine and i will plan some day trips to places I haven't seen. Right now, I am lonely and need to lick my wounds.

Thanks for listening. E