You really can't go back

Hello,

Sorry to take so long to check in,but leaving everything but your clothes, cat and car behind is not easy. However, here I am in Kansas, looking for the wizard. My sister is keeping me company and it is a good thing because she has a sense of direction and I do not!

We stopped in Las Vegas to see family members who are not in a good place now, even though my sister's ex husband told her he missed here and would she come live with him. I was all for second chances but she isn't sure so we said "good luck" and went on to Utah. Had a lovely dinner in a nice restaurant and had theplace laughing with us. Felt good after the family visit.

Emily, however , is not liking her first road trip. She mews a lot and then sleeps and does not eat much.

Next stop Denver to visit my sis's granddaughter and great grandson. Beer and Bar B Que. Fun. Both of us became ill during the night and could not get out of bed the next day. Being young and the weekend we did not get any tea or sympathy., let alone chicken soup. They did ask her to come and live with them and was offered a job managing a fast food restaurant. We hung around for one more night and hit the road. We made it to Kansas and had to cut it short cuz our tummies were not completely ok. Got a good nights rest and hit the trail. The scenery was greener and lovely. I decided to visit my ex hubby and called and he said come on by. It was 50 miles out of our way, but I wanted to see him or me to see him. Boy was I surprised when he opened the door and had a grey pony tail halfway down his back thinning on top. Also had a belly the size of a basketball.

My sister had driven half way across the USA and he didn't even think to offer us refreshments. I got myself a glass of tap water and we shared family stories. I excused myself and left the room. my sis asked if there was a motel in town and he answered "no" then she asked about a place to eat and got the same answer.
I came back and asked if he had any beer and he got us one. He drinks scotch and it was too early at 4 PM. Well, excuse me!!

We left soon after and I realized why our marriage ended 20 years ago. Besides, I am on my way to a new life.!!!

During the first week of vacation visiting my daughter and her family, I saw it coming. The first disagreement involving the whole family. I didn't stay to see who won. I really am trying to enjoy the family as a whole and not get involved with solving problems.
It was all about sports and body damage. At least that is what it should've been about. It ended up being about $$$ and time already invested. My granddaughter's friend who I accompanied here has a back pain which has kept her from competing in all 4 of the gymnastic event at the National Competions recently. My daughter was not informed of this and scheduled time for the visitor at the local gym which cost $$. After one visit the friend did not want to go again and then my granddaughter also said she didn't want to go. Whoa!! the poop hit the fan! I departed and I guess there were calls made to the friends' mom which stated the friend should get " dressed out and do what you can do".

My problem with this is...why push your kid when she is injured or not interested any longer, especially when it involves so much time and $$. There are many other activities to "round them out". But then things were different when I raised my kids and, let's see, one is an educator, another a law enforcement officer and the other a degree in accounting, but staying home to raise her brood. I might add that I did not spend a penny on their education after high school. They made it and I am proud to be their mom.

Fathers and Daughters

Whew!! I am in Virgnia and what a changel. A real cultural shock. Not to mention the weather. San Diego is so open and dry and sunny. Some would say that it's great, but when it is the same, day after day, even paradise is boring.

My family are doers, goers..If you are not moving you are not growing and that's not a good thing. They relax at 10 pm.

My son in law is an amazing man. I am looking at him with different eyes. I have realized that this is not a competition. He is the most patient, loving , teaching father to my granddaughters.

I am sleeping in the wonderfully cool basement and I woke to tinkering noises and went to see what was going on. He was getting his bike ready to go to work. All dressed in his biking clothes, looking fine I might add, and I saw him ride away with a huge pack on his back with only 13 miles to get to work. He didn't want to wake my daughter so that she could drive him to the metro.

My 16 year old granddaughter is a sweet heart but has no patience with her dad who would give her the world and does. All he requires is love and respect and a hug once in awhile. The more he wants to hug her the more she holds back. It is hard to watch, but they will find a meeting point I am sure.

The 13 year old granddaughter is all over him and gooey about her "daddy" . That's sweet.

People are different. I can't remember hugging my father, but then I can't remember a lot of things.

Comments!!!

I got comments!! It feels like I am really doin it. Just another milestone in my life. I am so very proud of my every little accomplishment. If I don't appreciate myself, who will?

Yesterday I got lost twice in my own home town!! I forgive myself. I forgot the #1 rule: Pay Attention!!!

Six days and a wake up before flying to VA on a prearrange vacation. I am accompanying a friend of my granddaughter so could not gracefully cancel. I can use the time there to tie up some loose ends.

When I return it will be "dump and run". But I must remain calm and Pay Attention. This a very big step in my life and I am very excited and capable. I wanted to blog all the way so you all could enjoy along with me and maybe even laugh with me. I bought a thingy to provide power for my laptop, I can't always pick up wireless while on the road. Any ideas would be appreciated.

OMG, a whole new chapter in my life. Just breathe........

Learning to blog ain't ez for an old woman

Hello again! I have been trying, and I finally suceeded, in finding my own blog! Oh, I had it on my favorites, but wanted other people to read it also.

I read that I had to have a "site feed"?? in order to be found. I tried to accomplish that, I am not sure I did, and I actually found my blog by putting the title of one of my posts. Now I am happy. I want comments. Favorable or unfavorable. I am new at this and want to learn more. I need your help.

Enough of that. I am house/animal sitting this weekend for my oldest daughter. She lives in a lovely home in Paradise. She has wireless and wide screen HDT (?) TV and lots of wonderful food. I live in an RV in "You'll Never Get Out Alive RV Park" where you cannot fart without your neighbors hearing. I have learned a lesson. Never tell people about yourself. They will use it against you.

As some of you know, I am relocating , with my cat, Emily, to the east coast. When I get there I am going to work very hard at reinventing myself. No more big mouth from me. Observe and learn. Well, I am goin to try, anyway.

Wow! it's been a week since I last met with you. How time flies when you are confused.
I purchased a car top carrier (soft, so it can be folded and put away when not needed) and attached it to the top of the car. Then I picked out the items to be packed inside and weighed each one on my bathroom scale. It is safe to carry only 100lbs in the thing. Then i took it for a test run. It is still on the car, loaded and now I need to take it off, as I am not leaving "You'll Never Get Out Alive" RV Park for another 4 weeks. But I feel better about having my clothes when I get to my destination.
I continue to be proud of myself for taking this giant leap. My kids have even changed their attitudes about the leap. I am excited and anxious and am beginning to feel a little sad about what I am leaving behind. My beautiful flowers, which give me so much pleasure, my feral tomcat, Tommy, who has never been caged and will be just fine here with my neighbor. I will miss the quiet nights just made for sleeping and the birds that wake me each morning at 5am.
I began this blog to get things off my chest. Now I feel better and want to communicate with others who might agree or disagree with me. I will attempt to find readers who want to read my dorky blog.

Frustration over technology and family

The past few days have been less than perfect. Try as I may, I can't seem to accomplish much. One of my sister's husband decided to off himself after he burned down the garage. They live in a place that is worse than the "You'll Never Get Out Alive RV Park" where I reside. It is a place in the high desert where people go when society throws them out and they can collect their welfare checks and no one cares if they clean their yard. I have not been close to that sister since I heard her husband was running illegal aliens. pissed me off! She was the baby of the family and threw a fit whenever things didn't go her way. I was the oldest girl and pretty much forgotten until I was needed to do laundry, dishes or baby sit. Waaaaaaa!

I am proud of myself for learning to use a computer just 2 years ago. I read my dummy book, ask questions and plunk away til I get it right. Now I am involved with address changing, electronic bill paying and medical transfers all on the internet. I live alone and do not have an "old man" to do things for me. I enjoy being independent.

I really didn't mean this to be a bitch fest, but when I tried to accomplish something on the computer I became frustrated. Guess I'll go dead head my wonderful collection of geraniums. I'll be sad to leave them. I will take a few cuttings and grow them in pots on the east coast.

Sleepless in San Diego

What's an ole girl to do? I am busy as a cat on a tin roof all day and can't wait to hit the hay after a nice dinner and a little tv. I mosey off to bed at 9ish and fall asleep with no problem. Then about 2ish am I wake and try as I may I can't shut off my mind. It is kinda interesting how I go back in my life remembering some of the things I've done that make me cringe. I forgive myself and move on. I try deep breathing and that doesn't work either.

I bought my car top carrier today and a converter for my computer so i can record "Gma and Emily's Great Adventure" when we finally leave the "You'll Never Get Out Alive RV Park".

I have been journaling for over 25 years. I began when my mother passed away from the big "C" and needed to express my feelings to someone or something. My mom didn't talk much except when she was "in her cups" and I wanted to leave a record of my thoughts to my daughters so when "things" popped up in their lives they would know that their mother felt the same way. My oldest daughter is a writer and will probably read them, pick out the good stuff and put it in a prize winning novel.

I am peaceful lately as the time gets closer. The daughter on the East Coast does not sound so afraid of having me close by. She is afraid she will have to care for me....someday. I understand her concern, but I am healthy, energetic and ready to begin a new life. I kinda reinvent myself every 5 years. I would like to find a comfortable old fart to hang out with on this segment of my life.

Until later, E

Taking Action!

Hey out there! The weekend in SoCal was great. As I told you I was having a yard sale at my place in the RV Park that I have been held captive for the last 5 years. None of the weekend campers came to even look at my junk, let alone buy. The "residents" flocked to see what had previoulsy been in my "home" and "art studio". Some bought and some asked when I was actually leaving. They just want to wait til I am desperate! So this morning my sister , who also lives in "You'll Never Get Outta Here Alive RV Park", came over and we carried the good stuff to her space and will be transferred to her "Almost Anything " thrift store in the high desert. Ha Ha Shoudda woudda cudda!

Now I can see the beginning of the end of my 39 years in So Cal. When I leave I will have nothing to show for those years except scars where basal cel carcinoma has been removed from my body. And, of course, all the $$ I have saved from the sale of my real home and my hovel in the hills cheap rent trailer.

I am having anxiety attacks about my trip across our wonderful country in my Ford Escape and my cat and her litter box, cat food, bed and toys. If there is any room left I will put some clothes and other necessities in for myself.

This is a change that scares me one minute and excited the next! But ....if I don't do it now, I never will. Most of my life I have believed that things will just happen without taking action. Wrong! Pony Up, decide what you want and take action.

Hope your day is as good as mine. E.

Taking the Bull by the Horns!

Okay! I woke at 3am and began thinking and when I do that I get myself in a dither. I am leaving So Cal and everything I own except my cat, Emily, and heading for the East Coast. My youngest daughter recently left me here and followed her retired military hubby to the DC area and took my two granddaughters away from me.

I agreed to watch over their wonderful home here until it sold. I did. It did. And now I am following them whether they like it or not. I have been looking for new digs on craigslist but it is very hard to "see" the perfect place. So I decided to write my own ad. At least I can tell them what I require. As I am a very creative, fun loving, healthy lady , I am sure the offers to share their home with me will just pour in.

I don't know if this is excitement or if I am scared to death. I will keep you posted. I know you will be waiting breathlessly.

Where in the hell did it go?

I wrote the greatest blog and I made one teeny weeny mistake and it disappeared! I tried to find it and cannot so I am gonna have a glass of wine and watch tv. It was all about my fellow RVers stuck in this God forsaken RV park in So Cal where drinkin beer is the major sport. I do clean up on recyling!! I am gonna submit this before it goes away.

Decisions/Stress

Funny how stressful decision making can be. Should I or Not? You make a decision and feel good about having done so and then you begin doubting your decision and it starts all over again.

My daughter's hubby retired from the military last year and began looking for a new career. He found one on the other side of the world. Actually, it was only the east coast. As I had spent the last 15 years "being there" for my daughter and grandchildren while hubby was out to sea I ASSUMED that I would still be a big part of their lives. NOT! Bye Bye and "Oh , will you care for our home until it sells? " Of course, feeling needed. It only took 5 months. I was glad I lived only 12 miles away so when the sprinklers went wild I could jump in my car and take care of the problem. Even when there was a problem with too much rain and standing water I could just wade in there and set up the sump pump. Glad to do it for my family. All I needed was a cape with a big SUPER GMA on it.

Their new house is huge and has a wonderful basement with full bathroom and a private entrance. I had hoped I would be allowed to continue my service to my family and reside in the basement. I even offered to pay $600 per month to do so. NOT. My granddaughtes love me too much and my son in law is jealouse and soooooo it ain't happin.

So my daughter is caught in the middle which is not a pleasant place to be. She began sending ads for "room for rent" in her vacinity. That's where we are now. Selling everything i own, which is not much , but it is kinda sad. Not to mention that I have two children and 6 grandchildren close by that I will be leaving behind! I love them very much but they haven't needed me or spent time with me like my move away daughter. I mean we have history together!!! What's a mom to do??

Whew!!

I have been searching for blogs that help me answer some of the many questions I have about life. My search has left me wanting. I think it's because I just want to spill my guts about things that piss me off . So I started my own blog. I read The Life of Riley which is a blog by a 107
year old woman. Boring! Amazing that she is still alive and kickin but ....

Being a senior citizen sucks! I still feel like a spring chicken and except for a few place on my body could pass for one ...in the dark....after a few drinks More on that later.

What I am really confused about is how can you be so needed one day and cut loose the next?? I think that is my major problem. I put myself in that position all my life and when people do not need you anymore, that's it and you find someone else who needs help. yes, I know, help yourself. But what if you never knew how to do that?

I was the greatest gramma to my kids kids. They loved me so much! Now, the youngest is 13 and can't see me for the trees. Which I understand how she feels, but what about my feelings? I know, Volounteer. Not yet.

I am planning to follow the ones that left me across the US and be there in case they need me. Well, I am using that excuse anyway. I really want to see and experience living on the east coast as I have worn out my welcome here on the west coast. So I am killing 2 birds with one stone.

Selling everything you have in your front yard is quite an experience. The rest will be donated to a worthy cause. My cat and I will jump in my small suv (car) and begin Gma and Emily's Great Adventure. And believe me I have reservations!